The Sweet Spot

I think this is the sweet spot. My sister tells me that my blog sounds depressed, so here is a "nice" post for once...

I think this is the sweet spot. I've come such a long way in this pregnancy. VBACers (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean -ers) come with a lot of baggage. We know that things go wrong in birth (you can stop telling us). We know that just wanting a straightforward birth is not enough. We're armed and ready to fight this time. We've usually read too much, analyzed the past too much, and are scared. We know that in many places we might have to fight just to have the right to "try" for a VBAC, let alone one with less medical intervention. So we go in fists up. That's where I was a couple of months ago. That's the place I'm coming from.

But you know what, I'm not fighting anymore. I'm actually starting to enjoy this pregnant thing. I lay in bed just feeling kicks and wondering what it will feel like to have this baby in my arms, wondering what life will look like in a couple of months, trying to guess if this is an arm or leg, and how could someone so small and helpless kick so hard. Reveling in it all like a first - timer. It's a far cry from worrying about uterine rupture or trying to convince everyone around me that the hospital isn't necessarily the best place for this birth. It's peaceful. And all I've ever wanted in life was to feel peaceful. That's the truth.

No, life is not all puppies and roses. I just have perspective now.
I've been up since 5:30am, my back hurts like the dickens (I'm being polite), I'm worried about getting things done before Christmas and before the baby comes (nevermind very necessary bathroom renos), I still have to decide what to do about the heplock request, the dishes aren't done, and the fish tank needs to be cleaned. Again. There, I just had to say it all to get it out of my head. Maybe now I can go back to sleep for half an hour before the alarm goes off.

And, as no small sidenote, I think my loving husband has gone through the same sort of transition. Though he wouldn't probably tell the world about it like me. ( ; > Love you, honey!)
I just know he's in a more positive frame of mind about it all. We did an exercise in our prenatal class where the instructor pretended to be a nurse and was presenting us with intervention options. I was nervous as hell. It was such an uncomfortable place to be in because we've been there. I was shifty-eyed and feeling trapped. Hubby was confident and had this great "bring it on" attitude. Man I love that guy. He is my match in every way possible. If I get through this at all it will be in large part due to him.

I'm finally feeling like we're ready to have this baby. Well, almost!

Prenatal Classes - Take Two!

Yay, Fantastic news! We're officially registered for Bradley prenatal classes!! After the last disastrous midwife appointment (I finally convinced my husband) we decided to give it a go. I'm pretty excited, as you can probably tell. I realized at that appointment that I really need it, not just dear hubby. I've lost my confidence and desperately need to get it back. I think being in a positive atmosphere talking about birth in a positive way will help, and, I can't lie, I'm looking forward to a room full of big bellies like mine. The midwife highly recommended it, and the instructor, and that's what convinced dear hubby. I think.

Here's what I was forwarded when I asked what would be covered. it's a 2-day "meat and potatoes" class, so there's a lot left out, but we took really good classes last time, so I think this will be just right.

A general overview would be..... staying low risk and
healthy, basic nutrition, pregnancy exercises to prepare your birthing mucslces,
abdominal breathing, rlelaxation techniques for pain
management, understanding and practicing contractions,
coaching support strategies, mom's labour, checklist, dad's
labour checklist, introduction to first stage labour, transition, second
stage pushing, third stage (placenta), advanced first and second stage
positions, labour rehearsal, Bradley Energy Saving techniques, reviewing of all
the critical details, some videos and lots of extras depending on the questions
and time available.

I don't spend time on develping birth plans,
teaching you how to work with your birth team to overcome obstacles, discussing
breastfeeding or post partum issues as there is simply not enough time.
The Modified program is simply the meat and potatoes to get you by (and it will
get you by). The great news is that your midwives will take care of
all/any newborn or post partum issues. If couples want me to review
their birth plan or talk with me about breastfeeding or post birth concerns, I'm
only a phone call (or e-mail message) away.

Hope this
helps,

Two More Things

There are two more things I wish I'd said. But the conversation was over and I didn't want to reopen the discussion. It didn't go in the direction I'd hoped it would (That's polite talk for 'it went badly'). But I still have these two things to say:

1. Why would the midwife suggest prenatal classes if she is expecting to do all the work and we wouldn't need any of that information??

2. I have a strong feeling that the time will come when you wish you knew what to do to help. Other than hold my hand. Because you really do care.

And so I realize again that this really is all up to me. When push comes to shove (sorry!), I'm the one going to give birth, and I'm the one who has to do all the work in the end. I can't give that away to anybody else. I guess I just thought... I'm trying to get as much support as I can. Why are you so defensive about this?