Someone said I had an old soul today. What a lovely compliment. Really.
Truth is I just feel old. OK, let me begin again. Have you ever met someone who is doing what they are meant to do? I’ve always been envious of these people. My husband is one of them. He’s been fixing vehicles before he could even drive, swapped out 9 engines before I let him buy an engine hoist. Mechanics is just in his blood. Well, when I went to university I had the hardest time figuring out what to do. The world opened up before a vast chasm of possibilities. So, I did the only sensible thing to do – faked it. I went to school and took a bunch of courses that sounded interesting and then took more of the interesting ones until I had a double major in linguistics and sociology. Not the most useful thing but what a fun degree. After that I temped and got an admin job and eventually worked my way up to the job I have now. I went where the current took me. And it’s a good job, don’t get me wrong, and I always think it’s funny I ended up working with engineers.
But something strange happened this week. Well, it was the catalyst, really, as there have been many signs that have been building up and up and up until now I can’t ignore it. The thing that happened this week is that a local college announced that it will be starting up a midwifery program. Even as I type this my heart jumps – midwifery, oh, how I want to do this! I think I could be really good at this, I am passionate about it. I remember when my friend had her baby last month and I rushed out to her house to deliver herbs and it wasn’t the usual cooing about the cute little baby, the empathy for the mother rose and I had to help her.
And then reality hits – if only I’d figured this out 10 years ago – oh, it was so easy to go to school then. It’s the money that’s getting me, and not even tuition, but my family needs my income every month. It’s impossible. I have a family, responsibilities, debts (student loans from last time, even!). But nothing is really impossible, I know, I just can’t figure out how to be able to do this. How do people manage to go back to school when they’re older? If only I knew. And so I feel old today. Not an old soul, but old and out of options.
I'd love some input here, anyone. Any thoughts?