birth!

My friend had her baby yesterday. A 10 lb baby girl. And wow, what a courageous birth it was. She laboured hard all night with no drugs, only to agree to a c-section in the morning because she had stopped dilating. After a little gas to calm things down while they waited for the doctors to get ready she finished dilating and pushed out that precious 10 lb er. They shipped her off to the city hospital for repairs which turned out to be less extensive than the country doctors had thought.
Now they’re all holed up at the grama’s house for a few days or recovery. I talked to the baby’s grama who has been a good friend for years. It’s pretty cute; she’s in a post-baby fog for sure. Having never been in labour herself (4 c-sections), she read, during early labour, the birthing book I had given the mom. She thanked me for the support and I was a bit taken back. She said no one else had been as supportive of natural birth. I thought it was a sad commentary that no one else had talked to her about that, because I hadn’t really done a lot. Loaned some books, that’s all, really. It made me realize that the little things I say make a difference – that sometimes people really are listening and hear what they need.
So, I’m going to bring over some herbs – callendula and comfrey for the mom’s bath, and stinging nettle and red raspberry leaf for the milk. It’ll be hard not to stay and visit and ooh and aah and be completely overbearing.

Oh, I wish I had time to blog all the stuff I am thinking of!

Christmas is coming and I have, once again, committed to making too many gifts. I just can't stand buying something ho hum when I can make something I'm really happy about giving. Nothing this year is as complicated as the birdhouses we constructed last year. I did learn from that. Of course, I don't think an unplanned birth will mess up the production schedule as it did last year (Can you believe it's almost been a whole year?!). I hope everyone likes what they're getting. Nothing is very big and it's all a little quirky and full of heart. I tried to stick to stuff I know how to do like painting and stuff that doesn't need to be perfect - like ugly dolls.

Also related to Christmas I wanted to post about lessons we're learning about advertising and buying stuff. Being 4 makes one so much more aware of the world. I'll blog about this later. Because it's ongoing and completely appropriate for the upcoming holidays.

Also on the list to blog about:
toothy babies that I miss so much,
a wonderful nanny,
(pink and sparkly) good times shopping with a preschooler,
other blogs I read whose lives I want to copy,
bento goodness,
and a rant asking people to stop asking if I'm glad to be back at work


And since no one in real life seems to be discussing it, what the heck is going on with Canadian politics?? I picked a fine year to start voting, let me tell ya. I can't stand politics at the best of times, and now they're talking about a Frankenstein-type coalition coup. I've heard pretty big rhetoric from both sides and am worried about our politics degenerating to one big squabbling match and power grab. That's certainly not what I voted for. I don't think that's what anybody voted for.

Peace, gratefulbambina.

Peace, gratefulbambina.

I went upstairs to play with some beads I'd gotten from a group of pregnant moms i'm part of when I realized that one of the beads is from a woman whose baby died during labour. It was accompanied by a poem about being a birthing goddess. If anyone has the strength of a goddess it is the woman who births her child knowing she will never hear him cry or see him smile.

I hope you find peace, gratefulbambina.

(Here is a link to Grateful's blog)

2 pictures of the day R. was born. A sunset and a sunrise.
First the sunset out the hospital window as we waited in the triage room for a nurse to be available. 6pm. The nurse was there at 10pm and the pitocin started at midnight.

Then the sunrise the next morning. The mister took this picture. I was nursing a newborn at the time. 9am.

I have a feeling that things could have gone so much worse. Many doctors (in the states at least) won't even allow a VBAC induction, so I think we are fortunate that we even got to try. I was worried about what it would be like to have an induction - I've heard the horror stories - but ours went incredibly well. I wouldn't say it was the perfect birth because, to me, that happens out of the hospital with just me the mister and the midwife (not a room full of 10 people cheering you on), but it really was a great birth in spite of it all.

The midwife says that she thinks that sometimes when a baby needs to come out quickly mother nature steps in and gives you a quick birth. Our fluid level wasn't just low, it was almost non-existent. They broke my waters and no water came out. They weren't sure they even got it. Later there was one little trickle, but no other water ever did show up. No one knows why. They speculated that maybe there was something wrong with the placenta (hence quick induction), but the baby did fabulously, and the placenta looked great when it came out (We got to look, it was really cool. Mister says it's like a big liver, which is a good analogy, as it functions much like a liver. A liver with a bag attached.). Who knows what would have happened if we'd left her in there to cook a little longer. Maybe she would have been fine. Maybe not. We decided to induce when we did because we knew she was doing really well, and had the best chance of tolerating labour. Maybe she would not have tolerated it a week or two later, and we would have ended up with a c-section. I think, given the information we had at the time, we made the best decision possible. That's the best you can do.

The midwife says that "Little Munchie" is doing better than lots of full-term babies she's seen. She's very healthy, no jaundice at all, eating really well, and pooping up a storm. I feel like I'm in a dream. One where I'm grinning all the time. And napping. Oh, the napping. I am a lucky girl.

BIRTH

WOW!
VBAC.
4 weeks early.
Induced for Low Amniotic Fluid.
7 hours Labour: 1 Active, 1/2 Hour Pushing.
Midwife almost didn't make it.
Fantastic, Beautiful, Powerful, Amazing Birth.

Beautiful Baby Girl!

It can be done!
I did it!

I
did
it!

WOW!

A citrine leaf

A citrine leaf found it's way to me today. A leaf symbolizing adding another branch to the family tree. Citrine for warmth, confidence, will power and inner calm.

And i realize that these birth beads are not just for birth, that I will treasure them and the warm thoughts that come with them forever. This is bigger than this birth. And I wish that everyone had the chance to gather those special people around them and receive blessings. It's a powerful thing to be given. And I only have one so far. I'll be a blubbery mess on the weekend when the rest show up. Hopefully I'll manage to not completely fall to pieces, embarrassing everybody.

Perhaps it was the midwife's comment that started the train of thought. She was talking about my homework for the month - some reading on woman's power. And she said - with a sly little smile - "This isn't just about birth, you know that, right?". Wow, what a powerful thing is this journey.

Aaaaaaahhhh, almost done.

I have only 2 1/2 weeks left of work, and can't wait. I've got big plans for the month of December. Making Christmas presents, getting the house ready for baby, cooking food for the freezer, hanging out with my daughter, but most important of all, getting used to being at home full-time. It's a different kind of life all together, and it'll definitely be a transition.

I'm not good at transitions. And I hated being at home last time. I never did get the hang of it.

It'll be so nice to not have to get up at 5am and force my body to wake up and get ready for work. But I think it's the unstructuredness (yes, the spell checker is having trouble with that one, too) of it all that gets to me. The day looms before you, and where the heck do you start. We'll have to get a routine going early on. And I guess that's why starting a month before you have to is a good thing.

When little A. was born it was the very first day of my maternity leave. I was at work the day before. There was no down time. No time to get organized. It's one of the many things that I hope will be different this time.


I found out today that my midwife has been practicing since 1974. That's before I was born. She could have been at my birth. That's another thing we're doing differently this time. Gathering the best people possible around us. Last time all the people we counted on for support (I'm not talking about family, I mean birth support) let us down in one way or another. From bad advice, to no advice at all. I feel like when decisions have to be made this time we have information. We have the best possible chance at a decent birth. And that's something to be happy about.

Birth Dream

I just remembered that I had a dream last night that I had the baby. She was born by c-section and I wasn't disappointed at all. I felt healthy and calm and so did the baby. I wonder what would happen in real life that would make that reality.

Oh, and, yes, it was a girl. She was perfectly delicious, and the calmest baby ever.


Hmmm.... I was blonde and skinny and smiling, and it was sunny out - maybe I was dreaming someone else's dream. Wouldn't that be a cruel joke!

about control... any feminists around??

There's another issue, and that is control. I should really post my daughter's birth story - maybe if you ask nicely. wink. - then maybe you'd understand. All was going hunky-dorey for the pregnancy. We were all healthy and happy etc. etc.. Then we ended up at the hospital for a version to try to turn our breech baby. It was an afternoon thing the day my mat leave started. Well, I started having teeny tiny contractions and they said I was in labour and well, we were just railroaded. They said you need this and that and we didn't know about anything they were talking about. We tried to phone people to get advice, and got none. I couldn't even reach the phone, and they would come in and give me heck when I sat up. I said I needed to get up and walk around because my back hurt, and they gave me a heating pad instead. And we had no power. And so we gave in. And ever since I've been trying to figure out how that happened - how did they take our power away? And what can I do to not let that ever happen again?
And then you wonder why I am so defensive about hospitals, about medicine. I don't want to be railroaded again. So, yes, I trust the midwife - trust her with my life when it comes down to it - but I need to still feel like I have not given her all the power. I need to feel like I made the decisions, not her, and we didn't just go along blindly. Because some days it would be easy to just go along with everything and be the perfect compliant patient.

So, you can see that this is MY issue, not the midwife's issue. Just to be clear. Some people are suggesting she's not the right midwife for us, but I think once I get over some issues she'll be fine. I am very confident in her abilities to keep us alive, and she has been so so respectful and patient with us so far. I believe in my heart that she will respect our wishes in the birth.

Cake anyone?

I guess I want to have my cake and eat it, too. It's like there's a piece of cake sitting there, ( I can see it, it's chocolate, with creamy icing, not too sweet and cherry pie filling) and there's a slight chance someone else will come and eat it. But there's a 99% chance that they won't even show up. So, do you leave it or eat it? If you eat it and they come you'll be in big big trouble.
I want to start eating it and see what happens. If they come early enough I'll split it with them.

If you had a chance at a fantastic birth wouldn't you take it? Or would you settle for something less but perhaps a percent (or two?) safer? I don't want to settle. I like to get what I ask for and get whiney when I can't have what I want. But I don't think this is at all unreasonable...that's what's making it all confusing for everybody - I don't think I'm really asking for all that much. Why is it so hard to have a non-medical birth when there's nothing wrong with you??

Two More Things

There are two more things I wish I'd said. But the conversation was over and I didn't want to reopen the discussion. It didn't go in the direction I'd hoped it would (That's polite talk for 'it went badly'). But I still have these two things to say:

1. Why would the midwife suggest prenatal classes if she is expecting to do all the work and we wouldn't need any of that information??

2. I have a strong feeling that the time will come when you wish you knew what to do to help. Other than hold my hand. Because you really do care.

And so I realize again that this really is all up to me. When push comes to shove (sorry!), I'm the one going to give birth, and I'm the one who has to do all the work in the end. I can't give that away to anybody else. I guess I just thought... I'm trying to get as much support as I can. Why are you so defensive about this?

cut cut cut....how babies are born

I'm 6 and a half months pregnant. Looking like I'm trying to smuggle a medium-sized watermelon out of the grocery store. Waddling.
DD is 3 1/2. Her experience with birth is limited. We're educating her in small pieces as stuff comes up. She knows that she was born in a hospital and the doctor cut her out. She even knows that babies are supposed to be "upside down" and that she wasn't. Some stuff sticks in her brain and some doesn't. That's the way it is with 3 year olds.

She was playing "pregnant" the other day. She lay on her back with a toy under her pj's and started saying "cut cut cut" making scissor motions at her belly, and then out popped the baby! She ran over to me all excited. "Mom, I had a baby and I didn't yell or anything!"

I was horrified and floored with laughter all at the same time.

So we had a chat about how it's ok to yell when you have a baby, and that mommy will probably yell. And lots of times you don't need to cut to get the baby out, you just push them out.

So she tried again. She layed on her back again with the toy under her pj's. "push push push."
I thought - so what if she's on her back, not the optimal birth position, at least she's not cutting.
Then she continued: "cut cut cut" "push push push"

ok, so there's obviously a little more education to do. Good thing we've got another 3 months or so to go. I can't decide if this is better than when she thought babies just "popped out", and told me that mine would, too. That sounded pretty good, actually, though a little utopian.