I have a feeling that things could have gone so much worse. Many doctors (in the states at least) won't even allow a VBAC induction, so I think we are fortunate that we even got to try. I was worried about what it would be like to have an induction - I've heard the horror stories - but ours went incredibly well. I wouldn't say it was the perfect birth because, to me, that happens out of the hospital with just me the mister and the midwife (not a room full of 10 people cheering you on), but it really was a great birth in spite of it all.

The midwife says that she thinks that sometimes when a baby needs to come out quickly mother nature steps in and gives you a quick birth. Our fluid level wasn't just low, it was almost non-existent. They broke my waters and no water came out. They weren't sure they even got it. Later there was one little trickle, but no other water ever did show up. No one knows why. They speculated that maybe there was something wrong with the placenta (hence quick induction), but the baby did fabulously, and the placenta looked great when it came out (We got to look, it was really cool. Mister says it's like a big liver, which is a good analogy, as it functions much like a liver. A liver with a bag attached.). Who knows what would have happened if we'd left her in there to cook a little longer. Maybe she would have been fine. Maybe not. We decided to induce when we did because we knew she was doing really well, and had the best chance of tolerating labour. Maybe she would not have tolerated it a week or two later, and we would have ended up with a c-section. I think, given the information we had at the time, we made the best decision possible. That's the best you can do.

The midwife says that "Little Munchie" is doing better than lots of full-term babies she's seen. She's very healthy, no jaundice at all, eating really well, and pooping up a storm. I feel like I'm in a dream. One where I'm grinning all the time. And napping. Oh, the napping. I am a lucky girl.

You know, this VBAC thing is so many million miles different from my first baby. It's day 5 and I'm smiling! And walking around. And talking to people without bawling. I feel grounded. And I feel so much more connected to my baby. She feels familiar to me. I haven't once asked to give her back to the doctors.
It's a good place to be in.

The Sweet Spot

I think this is the sweet spot. My sister tells me that my blog sounds depressed, so here is a "nice" post for once...

I think this is the sweet spot. I've come such a long way in this pregnancy. VBACers (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean -ers) come with a lot of baggage. We know that things go wrong in birth (you can stop telling us). We know that just wanting a straightforward birth is not enough. We're armed and ready to fight this time. We've usually read too much, analyzed the past too much, and are scared. We know that in many places we might have to fight just to have the right to "try" for a VBAC, let alone one with less medical intervention. So we go in fists up. That's where I was a couple of months ago. That's the place I'm coming from.

But you know what, I'm not fighting anymore. I'm actually starting to enjoy this pregnant thing. I lay in bed just feeling kicks and wondering what it will feel like to have this baby in my arms, wondering what life will look like in a couple of months, trying to guess if this is an arm or leg, and how could someone so small and helpless kick so hard. Reveling in it all like a first - timer. It's a far cry from worrying about uterine rupture or trying to convince everyone around me that the hospital isn't necessarily the best place for this birth. It's peaceful. And all I've ever wanted in life was to feel peaceful. That's the truth.

No, life is not all puppies and roses. I just have perspective now.
I've been up since 5:30am, my back hurts like the dickens (I'm being polite), I'm worried about getting things done before Christmas and before the baby comes (nevermind very necessary bathroom renos), I still have to decide what to do about the heplock request, the dishes aren't done, and the fish tank needs to be cleaned. Again. There, I just had to say it all to get it out of my head. Maybe now I can go back to sleep for half an hour before the alarm goes off.

And, as no small sidenote, I think my loving husband has gone through the same sort of transition. Though he wouldn't probably tell the world about it like me. ( ; > Love you, honey!)
I just know he's in a more positive frame of mind about it all. We did an exercise in our prenatal class where the instructor pretended to be a nurse and was presenting us with intervention options. I was nervous as hell. It was such an uncomfortable place to be in because we've been there. I was shifty-eyed and feeling trapped. Hubby was confident and had this great "bring it on" attitude. Man I love that guy. He is my match in every way possible. If I get through this at all it will be in large part due to him.

I'm finally feeling like we're ready to have this baby. Well, almost!

uterine rupture with VBAC

I've been doing a lot of uterine rupture research these days. I'll post on it sometime. Here's some food for thought posted on Sage Femme's blog.

uterine rupture with VBAC
This was sent to me recently by someone online. I remember reading this somewhere a couple years ago (maybe more?) but I cannot find who wrote it. Anyone?
Ruptures are also more common than dying in a plane crash. Henci Goer's review of the literature on VBACs found 46 ruptures in 15,154 labors. This equates to a 0.3% rate... or 1 in 333, if you prefer.

Your annual risk of dying in a plane crash is 1 in 4000, according to one source, and 1 in 700,000 according to another. I can't explain the massive discrepancy between the two figures, except to quote Mark Twain about "lies, damn lies, and statistics."

Since you asked, here are some more probability statistics for you:

Your risk of dying in a car accident, over the course of your lifetime, is between 1 in 42 and 1 in 75. This is roughly 4 to 5 times greater than the risk of uterine rupture.

You're about twice as likely to have your car stolen (that's an annual risk) than to experience a uterine rupture.

Your odds of being murdered are 1 in 140 over the course of your lifetime. That's 2 times more likely than the risk of rupture.

The annual risk of having a heart attack is 1 in 160, 2 times more likely than rupture.

Your risk of dying from heart disease is roughly 1 in 6, or 55 times greater than your risk of rupture.

If you're a smoker, your risk of dying from lung cancer is 1 and a half times more likely than a VBAC mom rupturing during her labor.

You're about 17 times more likely to contract an STD this year than you are to have a uterine rupture; more likely to contract gonorrhea than to rupture, as well.

You're 13 times more likely to get food poisoning than to rupture.

You're more likely to have twins than a uterine rupture. Odds of twins: 1 in 90. That's about 3 1/2 times the likelihood of rupture.

If you ride horseback, you're 3 times more likely to die in a riding accident than you are to experience a uterine rupture.

If you ride a bike on the street, you are 4 times more likely to die in an accident (annual risk) than you are to suffer a rupture.

Having a serious fire in your home during the next year is twice as likely as experiencing a rupture.

You're ten times as likely to win at roulette as you are to have a uterine rupture.

If you flip a coin, you'll be more likely to get heads (or tails) 8 times in a row than to rupture.

The risk of cord prolapse is 1 in 37 (2.7%), or nearly ten times more likely than that of rupture.

And a final irony (heads up, those of you who want a doc to give his/her opinion on your likelihood of rupture next pregnancy!)...You're 6 times more likely to have a doctor who is an impostor than you are to suffer a rupture. Two percent of docs are phonies (1 in 50), according to several sources I found.

So instead of worrying about rupture, why not take a few minutes to check up on your doctor's credentials? ;) It'd be a more profitable use of your time, and a substantially more likely cause for alarm.